Version of Yourself

I was talking with some friends recently, and we talked about the fact that we have books on our shelves in our room that we have had for years and have never read (books like Calvin's full Institutes of the Christian Religion). They all maintained that they would definitely get around to reading these books someday (liars) but I commented that I think we will never ever read them. I think we have certain books on our shelves, not because we will ever read them, but because we like the person we would be if we did read them. We look at that book and we see a version of ourselves that we would be if we actually did read the book, so we keep the book, not because we're ever going to read it, but because we don't want to give up on that version of who we could be (that version we prefer.)

I think we do lots of things in life for this reason. We make friends with certain people or do certain things or believe certain things, not necessarily because of the merit of the things itself and not even because we actually like the thing itself, but because we like the people we are when we do/have that thing. We like the person that that thing makes us.

I have a friend who has two huge dogs. She recently told me that she wants to get rid of the dogs because they're mammoth and chew everything, but that her husband said they should keep them. His reason for keeping the dogs was this: when we're 80 and look back on our lives, don't you want to remember having two cool St. Bernards? He was using this logic I'm talking about. Never did he say anything about enjoying the dogs or wanting them right now. That wasn't the defense. He just wanted to be able to say that he was the kind of person who had St. Bernards. He doesn't like the dogs. He likes the version of himself that he is when he has the dogs.

I think we all do this with things, and I don't even think it's a bad thing. I think we can honor the Lord by doing right and good things, not because we want to, but because we want to be the kind of righteous person who would do it. (I realize the potential legalism and the holes in this argument and I see them myself, but I think there is still a measure of truth here that's worth mentioning.)

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to do something, not because we like it or will enjoy it or will even use it, but because we like the person we are when we have it/do it. I just think we need to be aware of the motivation.