Wanfering In Bitterness

“I have wandered in bitterness until all seasons have become as one. And that is a season of vengeance.”

While this quote is of the humble origins of the 70’s slasher flick Silent Night, Bloody Night, I think the idea is well worth considering.

Unfortunately, vengeance doesn't have to be a crazy psycho on a revenge quest, but maybe just consistent, purposeful, bitchyness (sorry) or meanness or snubbing directed at those difficult people for us. The season imagery gives the idea that that kind of mean-hearted living isn't about specific instances or people, but gets in the air around us like cold or hot. And once bitterness turns into vengeance, it's much harder to get rid of. Bitterness is saddening and ugly, but vengeance is mean and destructive (maybe especially to the vengeful one). I guess that's why God wants to do it for us... "Vengeance is mine...."

The idea of wandering around in bitterness suggests the idea of aimlessness, which is, in fact, exactly what bitterness often is. The irony is that we can tend to think that bitterness is a goal and that it gives us some purpose, like sticking it to that person who doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. We think tat staying bitter will punish that person or nurse a wound or promote some kind of justice. But really, there is nothing of bitterness that is goal or solution-focused. We think that our long-term anger is a bullet that cuts, but our image is wrong because it is much more like smoke in the air of our own room than the bullet in the chest of the person we hate that we imagine it is. Bitterness and the vengefulness that it leads may destroy that person we want them to (if we’re lucky) but they do much more to pollute us.